Days, weeks, months and years go by. You think and go through things. You play them over and over in your head and you try to make sense of them. You can’t explain it. You can’t rationalize it. You cant even speak about it. No matter how much you think about it, it will never make sense.
Ever since I started this blog I have gone through ups and downs. But, there is a side of this I have not gone into. When all of this happened 3.5 years ago…I was diagnosed with Mental Health Illnesses.
Now, I am sure that there are many of you who think….
“Whatever….That shit is fake. Get over it”
“You are weak”
“Its a break up!!! Fucking Deal with it”
Then there are a select few who completely understand. The best I can explain it….
You don’t want to get up in the morning. You don’t want to talk to anyone. You are short with everyone who speaks to you; no matter what they talk to you about or say to you.
One of the only things you wish for is that someone, anyone…..PLEASE understand what you are going through.
Mean while for me…… this is what I want to do….
“Ok, what happened? What did I do? What did I say? Why, Why is this going on? Will it end? Maybe I should get up….. No i don’t want to. No…maybe I should go for a run….call my mom…..visit a friend………….(8 hours later) I guess i fell asleep….Meh its Ok. There is always tomorrow”
I don’t want to answer the phone. I don’t want to help people. My best friends makes me angry just by talking to here.
In the end….You feel like you are draped in a black cloak. A cloak that weighs about 8000 pounds.
You are not alone. You are not by yourself. I will keep going….
I will share what I have been through……. I will say this though…..
The faster you can say “I don’t FUCKING CARE ANYMORE!!!” the better and faster you reach radical acceptance.